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| Xeogaming Forums - - Posts by Stitch |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie!          Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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| Actually, no it doesn't. It's quite refreshing. | |||
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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| And, I just started writing a new one based on my time at Activision:
Will Not Fix |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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| Well, I don't know about everyone else, but I don't read stories unless specifically asked to do so, and if I do, you'll have to expect constructive criticism. Otherwise, I'm not reading it. My time (and the fact that I am arrogant and more experienced) is just too valuable.
And, just because it is just another day tied into a superstition created by man, I'm not going to just pop over and read it. |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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It's his hair cut, and not his face. Found this one while doing stuff online. Truly cool. Hope he's always wearing that hood, though. That could be trippy. (Last edited by Zabuza on 06-07-06 10:10 AM) |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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| From BoingBoing.com:
An open-source replacement firmware for a $60 Linksys router can give it the functionality of a $600 enterprise device. That's because Linksys/Cisco got caught using GNU/Linux in their routers without abiding by the GPL licensing terms and were forced to publish the details of their firmware, opening the door to open source hackers who added all kinds of improvements to the router. With the instructions in this HOWTO, you can turn your Linksys into a super-router that runs your phone network using the open-source phone-switcher Asterisk, boost your signal strength and perform many other cool tricks. Link So, with a little tweaking, that out of range area in your house can easily be eradicated. Hell, you may be able to fuel your entire property...as long as you don't overheat and/or damage your router by changing settings. |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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| No, only the stereotypically gay ones that make me want to gay bash them. | |||
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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| I joined a long time ago, before we were known as XGF and we were MoD. I think. Back when we had the .tk address.
How did I get here? Took the wrong bus. |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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| My official end date for leaving EA Mobile was 6/6/06. I received my Japanese DS Lite on 6/6/06, and the car's repairs and oil change were completed on that day. Other than that, nothing more.
And, by asking me specifically, I meant sending me the story via e-mail or through PM. I, unfortunately, do have the time to rant about not wanting to read it, but don't have the time to actually skim through it. By sending me the story via e-mail, I can read it at my leisure. That is what I meant by specifically contacting me for criticism and insight. Not, asking me to read something through a post on the board. I'm sorry, but this is the way I choose to administer my time. Since I have my own projects to work on, it's the only way I can hope to control my day. If you really, really want me to read through it, send it to me. Otherwise, meh. Oh, and much like when Clockworks sent me a story, if I can't get past the first few sentences because it reads like crap, I will tell you. Sorry, Clocky, you writing makes me want to sit through multiple, simultaneous root canals without anesthetics while being forced to watch American Idol in the "It's A Small World" attraction--rather than reading it. And, Elara, all you had to tell your friend was that you had to call me to find out where I am. That's it. There's a reason why the antichrist carries a cell phone, albeit a Cingular Razr... (Last edited by Zabuza on 06-08-06 09:15 AM) |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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| This is what my critique looks like. I'm doing this one because I want to. From now on, if I'm ever asked to look at a story, you'll receive something like this:
Critique Title: The Thirteenth Gate Author: FX114 Critic: Zabuza Chapter 1 Despite the short sentences, very nice intro paragraph. Engages the average reader, and makes me want to keep reading. "I lay on my back staring at the peeling off-white plaster ceiling." Need a comma: "...peeling, off-white" "Two years and seven months I had been searching for the thirteenth gate." Awkward sentence structure. If you can't smoothly pull it off, don't attempt it. "Two years and seven months and nothing." Instead of "and nothing", try "with no results" or "of nothing" or something else. Too many "and"s here. Rewrite, sounds awkward: "I could only hope that Dumont was having as much luck as me." "I started, my mind zeroing in on the one obvious question: Who could it be?" You started what? "No-one" No hyphen. It's just two words, "No one". "Mister Hanson? Are you there? It's me, Officer Bradley. I just want to have a few words with you. Mister Hanson?" Odd, this sounds like something from my Soldier of Fortune. "As I rode out of the town on my Harley I cursed." You cursed the Harley, or you cursed while on the Harley? If the second one, you need a comma after "Harley". If the bar is nondescript, why would you include the sign? "He didn't know what I was capable of." Ending in "of". Tsk-tsk. Bars have fabric? "This man was obviously very inexperienced to load a gun right behind his target." I know what you're trying to say, but it needs to be rewritten. (You need a better editor.) "payed" It's "paid". Dictionaries help. Obviously you did the sweeping with your feet, it doesn't really need to be mentioned. "...planted my knuckle into his throat." Actually inside his throat, as in through the skin? On just on his throat? "I turned around and reached for my glass just as it exploded." Just as what exploded? The glass, his throat or your knuckle. Can't use "it" here, there are too many subjects for that word. "I flicked my eyes to my left..." You can't flick your eyes in that manner. Eyes don't flick. You're writing in past tense. Stay in it unless you're doing a flashforward or a flashback. "She would have been very striking..." "puled". Two L's. I understand if you were just writing this, and there would be some errors. I'm just citing them. "The problem was that as the bullet sailed through the air I stepped around it and stopped behind the woman." When? Last the reader checked, you were still kneeling over the guy crushing his throat. (To be honest, I want to stop reading now. Normally, I would. But since I'm forcing myself to do a critique, I have to continue reading. It started off fine, but now, I just can't continue anymore.) And you're switching back and forth between first-person writing and third-party omniscient. You can either do one or the other, you can't do both. Unless, again, you're going into flashback or flashforward mode. You're either staying in first-person (meaning you don't know everything that's going on, and you're telling it from the main character's point of view) or you're going third-person omniscient (where you write as if you're the all-knowing, ever-present observer). There was silence? When? Another problem. Several lines of dialogue with no mention as to whom is speaking what dialogue. You have to place at least one reference in, or the reader can get lost. Even if you use their name during the dialogue. There were two other minor characters introduced, so these five lines need reference. (I used to do it too, back in the day. And, I've had much more harsh critiques than this. Trust me, it helps if you take the advice.) I skipped all the dialogue because that was it for me. I await your rewrite, and then a next chapter. Nice effort, though. (Last edited by Zabuza on 06-08-06 09:57 AM) |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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| Very nice movie, but kind of doesn't make sense. Other than the fact that it's a remake of Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde.
Nicely put together though. Sorry, I'm in critique mode for the time being. And, I did/do run a video production company. So, I'm randomly always looking for new talent. And the scene where he "falls", couldn't you find a better location? Obviously, they're not anywhere high up. Overall, though, if I were a recruiter looking for directors, I'd still consider you. But, I'm not doing either right now. |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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| I was poking his tail!!
Ok, fine, my finger was in the shot twice. Song choice: Scooby's pissy sometimes? |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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| It was okay.
I'd critique, but I'm tired. And after forcing myself to read FX's crap, I can't do the same for you. But, really, my opinion is just that. If you'd like a formal, impartial critique, I'll do it later. (Last edited by Zabuza on 06-10-06 12:07 AM) |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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| You need to turn down the music track and bring up the audio track. Too overpowering with the music track there. Other than that, don't care. And, you need a better writing editor. (Last edited by Zabuza on 06-08-06 09:58 AM) |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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| Look, don't take it personal. This is constructive criticism and editing. This is why you can't have friends as editors, unless editing is their job.
You say 'I punched you in the stomach' not 'on the stomach' right? Yes, the applies to the stomach, but for the throat, it is on the throat, not in--in this case. You can dig your knuckle onto a throat. You can punch in the throat. It's an odd American English syntax thing. In British English, it doesn't matter. Either or works. American English is just stupid in construct. Otherwise, it is a good story, and you got me to read it. And, I don't just randomly read stories. |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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| [ Content Removed ] (Last edited by Stitch on 11-01-09 08:38 PM) |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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| "...let body got limp."
"go" "...let body go limp and them move again." Nice sentence, but a little confusing. It needs more. I know what you're trying to go for, but yeah. Capitalize the "t" in "the" before "weather". Other than that, awesome short story. Reminds me a lot of my "Car Wash" story. And, by formally requesting that I read one of your stories, you've won my random reading and commenting because I want to...er...thing. |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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| It's far too meticulous. It's nice that you feel the need to explain every single detail to the reader, but it's not needed. It get boring to read if you're doing that. I trashed an entire story once just because I was doing that. Of course you're taking through some kind of bluetooth or other handsfree device.
Oh, and just for reader clarity on the board, put spaces between your paragraphs. It helps for reading...especially if you want people to read your (shit) stuff. Now, I know you're doing dialogue between two people, but again...open ended dialogue without reference as to whom is speaking. I mean, you can fill in with actions along the way. It doesn't always have to be "he said" and "she said". It could be something like, "he said while amping the throttle on the bike." Dialogue can also be an opening for description. You could describe the entire bike ride in between dialogue lines. Oh, dark lord, I really tried to finish reading this chapter, but it was far too painful to read. Nice try, though. |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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| Just go insane. You'll feel better. | |||
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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| Ocean's day? It was Ocean's Day and I didn't know? Aww...we could have gone to the beach and made fun of the waves again. | |||
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 721 days Last activity: 721 days |
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| How difficult is it to accept that shit is lost, and get a new Sidekick? I'm sure T-Mobile won't mind him buying a new one. |
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| Xeogaming Forums - - Posts by Stitch |
